Nobody's Home
by lessa4
Summary: Friendships aren't meant to last forever, but that doesn't mean we can't hold them in out hearts. It hurts, but we must learn to simply cherish the times we shared.


Nobody's Home

By lessa4

Don't know where she belongs,  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go,

No place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.  
Her dreams she can't find.  
She's losing her mind.  
She's fallen behind.  
She can't find her place.  
She's losing her faith.  
She's fallen from grace.

Nobody's home and she's all alone.

"Kai . . ." I whispered, unable to bring myself to say anything more. I could feel the warm tears welling in my eyes, threatening to spill over my long lashes and down my face. I clamped my eyelids shut, swallowing the lump in my throat. I wouldn't let him see me cry. Not again.

He turned and looked at me, pausing with his hand on the doorknob. The other held a suitcase, filled with his things- he wouldn't be coming back. One perfect eyebrow cocked over his magma eyes, questioning me. Despising me. I shook my head. There was no reason for my outburst. At least not one I had the courage to say out loud.

Kai turned away again, presenting my with his back. And then he was gone. Walking out of the door and out of my life forever.

I stood until I heard the lock click into place and I couldn't bear it any more. I collapsed to the ground, hugging knees to my chest and sobbing. How could I have let this happen? Why didn't I tell him?

He was my best friend, my savior, my angel. I loved him in the purest form of the word; sometimes I thought I loved him in the more physical ways as well. Is that why he left? He had caught my subtle hints, and realized I wasn't entirely playing? Had I scared him away?

_"There's only one fork."_

_Kai cringed, eying the gooey mess on the plate in front of them. "I don't think I want to touch that with my hands."_

_The redhead grinned at his friend from across the booth. "Sucks to be you." Popping a long chili-cheese-fry into his mouth, he let half of it hang out. "Unless you wanna share."_

_Kai smirked to show he was game, and leaning across the table, bit the end of the cheese and sauce smothered fry that protruded from Tala's lips. The blue-eyed teen grinned, forking another fry into his mouth and leaning across closer so his friend could reach it more easily. _

_He leaned too far, their lips touching, mouths open to one another. Kai quickly grabbed the fry with his teeth and pulled back, smiling sheepishly. The two of them began to laugh, embarrassed at what they had just done._

_"I'll get another fork . . ."_

_"Yeah. Unless you want to try again," Tala grinned, popping another fry teasingly into his mouth. Kai laughed, rolling his eyes as he stood to get another utensil from the next table._

Was it that I had disgusted him with my too-careless attitudes? I don't understand why that would have bothered him, he had never before been upset with the way I lived my life. Perhaps he had thought I was betraying him, but he knew better. I wouldn't get between him and a potential lover, not seriously. It just seemed that he hated me that night . . .

_A pale slender hand reached over the warm, bubbling water of the hot tub, brushing away a dark strand of raven hair. "I love it when you let your hair down Rei." Tala winked giddily. "It looks so sexy."_

_Rei laughed at the comment, closing his eyes halfway to return the fun. "I'm glad you think so . . ." he purred, scooting closer._

_"Oh Rei," the redhead sighed, putting his arms around the neko-jin's neck and easing onto his lap._

_"Common guys, not with Maxie sitting right here!" Tyson hollered from Rei's other side, covering his blond friend's eyes. "He's too innocent!"_

_Everyone laughed as Tala, squeezed the Chinese boy's knee. "Oh _Rei_," he repeated_

_"What's going on here?" The four friends all looked up into the face of one pissed Kai, who glared at the Wolborg Blader with murder in his eyes. "Fuck this. I gotta go."_

_He spun on his heel, storming away from the patio. "Kai, wait!" Tala jumped out of the hot tub, wrapping a towel around his waist and running after him. Grabbing his friend's arm, he grinned. "Common Kai. We're just messing around. Come in with us, relax. You're way too uptight."_

_The ruby-eyed teen jerked out of his grasp, glowering angrily. "I'm too uptight? Better to be uptight than to have no morals at all! What the fuck did you think you were doing?"_

_"Hey, we were just playing . . ."_

_"Yeah, I'm sure. Just like you 'play' with every other person you meet. I don't see how you can live life like that, going from one screw to the next. How can someone be so shallow?"_

I never told him how much that hurt me. I tried to apologize, and he had brushed it off. Said it didn't matter. But we had stopped talking as much as we used to. He was always too busy to hang out with me, or he had to go meet somebody or other and he'd talk to me later. Whenever we'd get the chance to go somewhere and he introduced me to someone new, it was no longer 'This is my best friend, Tala.' It was 'This is Tala Ivanov.' It was like I disgusted him.

Before, if I had a rough day, he'd sit down with me and a bowl of ice cream and let me talk. Then we'd discuss life, or the lack therefore of. For some reason, we were fascinated by death. Suicide. He told me that if I ever did it, he wouldn't be at my funeral, because he'd be right behind me. He said he couldn't imagine life without me. I know I couldn't imagine life without him.

But suddenly, there was no ice cream, no one to sit next to, no one to cry with. He no longer smiled when he looked at me. The Kai I knew had died, and was pulling my soul to the afterlife with his. He was gone.

And I never had the chance to tell him. Everything.

Why can't I feel you anymore? Before, all I had to do was close my eyes, but now I can't even imagine your face. The warmth that your smile used to bring isn't there for me to bask in. It's cold, this feeling inside, the black of emptiness, white of pain, red of self loathing and hopelessness. I wish I could cry, but I won't cry for me, can't bring myself to cry for you. If I did, would the tears be salt water, like they should, or would they be blood? Would they be the only evidence that my soul has been torn to shreds?

Everyone says it's for the best, it's good it's finally over. I never needed you, I can go on with my life without you pulling me down. But without you by my side, what life is left to live? I'm looking desperately for a way out, for a way to stop this loneliness that sometimes consumes me, drags me under.

Take me in you arms again, speak to me with your gentle voice. Let me lean on your shoulder and cry for you. Let me cry for me. Hold me while I cry for us. And when I am done, you will have chased the nightmares away. With you next to me, I will face tomorrow with dignity.

Except you tomorrow isn't mine. You've disappeared, and I am alone. I just wish I could tell you I'm sorry . . .

A/N- This is my story. This is what happened to me in the summer of 2004, and I'm finally ready to let her go. I still hurts every now and then, but when I see her, I no longer have to look away. This is my final tribute to Angelgirl10, now called Jade Cyclone. She'll never read this, and she'll never know. Maybe it's better that way. I love you, Majesty, I always have and I always will. I can't change the past, I can't change who I am. If I hadn't disappointed you then, I would have done it later. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry.


End file.
